The (poor and helpless) international student’s guide to living in London

So, if you find yourself in a situation where you don’t have filthy rich parents to support you financially (but who have lovingly spent their entire life savings to just about meet your enormous international students’ fees), have no scholarship because a) you’re not eligible, b) there aren’t any, but still wish to study at a prestigious university, you are not the only one (but you are a damn rarity).

From experience, here are things you could do to get by:

1. EARNING IT: Don’t be a loser, get a part time job (or internship). Interferes with study? Then you probably don’t deserve to go to that top university anyway. People who do deserve to go there will find out other ways of getting money like:

• ‘Hardship funds’
• Multiple part-time jobs
• Easy scholarships which are minor compared to your fees but don’t need much work to get
• Manipulating your situation to get any of the above (note: this does not mean lying)

2. SAVING IT: Cost-cutting should be in your blood. And I mean real cost-cutting, not ooh-look-at-that-offer. For the duration of your studies:

• Replace all your food brands with Sainsbury’s basics. No to kellogs, colgate, yes to 40p cornflakes and 12p toothpaste. Eat at home as much as possible, cook everything yourself rather than getting take away or ready to eat meals (unless cheaper). Use the savings to take your girlfriend to a nice dinner.
• Cycling should be the first choice of mode of transport. If the distance is too far, take the bus. Yes it will take longer than the tube, and time is money, but at least you’ll be able to spend that time with enough space, air and light to enjoy a book. At the end of the studies, sell the bike and get your money back.
• Minimise the need for transport by staying close to your place of work. Cheaper places further away might not work out if the cost of transport makes up for the savings.
• Stay in a long-term stay hostel, not a flat. IF you can bear occasionally having your food stolen, hardly any privacy, hardly any space, sharing rooms with multiple people whom you have never met before and some of who may have alternative sexual orientation, dirty toilets, broken showers, corridors full of smoke and smells, bedbugs, and disturbed sleep. Make friends with the people who clean the place, and as hard as it may be, the random people you share your room with. Keep your toothbrush safe; share your food.
• If you’re paying for the heating, turn it off, wear sweatshirts and socks.

3. SPENDING IT: Its possible to have the same life as everyone else, as long as you’re street smart.

• Get a student discount everywhere you go.
• Negotiate and bargain as you would in the des. You’d be surprised how often it works.
• Go to the cinema every week, but only on Orange wednesdays.
• Only buy new clothes / shoes / stuff in post Xmas or early summer sales.

The bottom line: Have a happy student life!

Of Streets and Soul

Continuing from the last post, it must be mentioned how riding a moped or any other two-wheeled vehicle, even riding in a auto-rickshaw for that matter, is almost a 'near death experience' in Indian traffic, making it even more thrilling. To those unacquainted with the streets of India, here is how traffic would flow at a typical junction, and if you're on your feet, here's how to keep them while crossing the road (forget zebra crossings for they are seldom seen outside the capital city.)

The funny part is not how order exists among chaos or how Indian drivers manage to turn three lanes into six, but the fact that the very culprits who drive recklessly (trucks and auto-rickshaws) try to educate other drivers into 'driving with care'.

Almost every single truck / lorry in India has the slogan 'Horn OK Please' painted decoratively at the rear of the lorry as part of the entire truck's decoration. It is so ubiquitous that it is now used in popart reflecting the soul of India, rightly so. The origins of the slogan are unknown, but my guess is that phrase is 'Horn Please, OK!' (since the OK is always in another font), instructing the driver behind to sound the horn as he / she overtakes the lorry, with an encouraging 'OK'. This way the lorry driver knows to give way. On a 2-lane road I have usually seen them riding with the lane divider right in the middle of the vehicle, though this may finally be changing slowly.

The slogan may also accompanied by another one in smaller size and italics, 'Use dipper at night'. Yet everyone uses their headlamps on straight beams at night, and the flashing of lights during daytime usually means 'get out of my way' rather than the 'thanks' or 'you go ahead' it communicates in the UK. To top it off, they may also have one of many classic Hindi phrases, the most common of them being: बुरी नज़र वाले , तेरा मुंह काला (translation would't do it justice, but roughly it is: 'You of the evil eye, may your face be blackened!').

Auto-rickshaws may have similar rears, but not so commonly. An instruction to downright 'STOP' is more likely to be seen at the corner, as opposed to the central aligned messages on trucks.

Generally these vehicles combine to make traffic from hell, especially in Delhi. Drivers in Mumbai seems to have a better traffic sense. To finish off this post, I urge you to watch a short animation jointly created by Irish and Indian animators, accurately depicting many aspects of the life of a Mumbai taxi driver.

Things I miss about India # 2

Riding mopeds! Note: a scooter / scooterette is cannot be called a moped. The word moped comes from the combination of the words 'motor' and 'pedal', hence you can use them like a bicycle too, in case you run out of petrol. The mother of all mopeds is of course, the Luna.

The whole process of starting the vehicle makes a kick start look boring, never mind push button starts. The greatness of the vehicle can only be imagined by thinking of the endless numbers of people it has liberated in the context of transport - especially working women, people in lower and middle income groups in both rural and urban areas. 

Heck it was even exported to the US under the name Kinetic TFR!

Cultural journeys

So I'm in another seven hour coach journey through English countryside happy to have bypassed hefty British train fares and gain a few hours of the only sort of time when I'm able to read a novel. I find a window seat too whose real comfort lies in what's below the window: the heating vent. Along comes my neighbour who is hesitantly settling down on his seat. His girlfriend is sitting just behind him. Being polite in a quintessentially British sense, they will never ask me to move, not even in a polite way. So I give up my seat and settle down on the aisle seat behind me, where the girl was. The girl says thanks many times and so does the guy.

Soon after I settle down on my new seat, I realise I haven't actually settled down. I can't. A mass of round flesh is occupying the crucial space required by my right shoulder and arm. The flesh is young and being pumped with louder-than-headphones-can-handle music, cola and Nintendo DS visuals before a mobile phone rings. "At 11". Damn, he'll be there until the end. "Can you bring some cigarettes? ... No, they ran out... Are you listening to what I'm saying? No, you're not! They last a week! A week has seven days! This is the eighth day!... Love you, ma."

I forget about the discomfort I'm feeling and ponder - Amen to Indian family values and practical politeness! Family values - everyone knows of. Practical politeness can be best described using an example. Readers' Digest found Mumbai to be the rudest city on earth because people don't hold doors open for people behind them and don't help someone who's dropped papers on the floor. What RD fail to realise is that its a city where the rat race results in endlessly overflowing trains in which people hunt to find the infinitesimal space, yet the same people offer their hands to help up the guy running alongside the platform, because they know his boss will fire him if he doesn't get on that train. In the words of Suketu Mehta, "That's opening doors."

England

A picture can say a thousand words.

This is how I might describe England.

(Photo is original not edited; captured by me)