English lesson to self

This sort of English, I can have no love for:

- "I am based out of London" (I am based IN London)

- "I did that out of choice" (I did that WITH choice)

- "inflammable" (FLAMMABLE!!)


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Indians also hate Indian call centres

They started off as just about tolerable, but now, even as a tolerant, calm Indian, they are getting on my nerves.

I can excuse the fake John Smith, his manager who is also coincidentally named John Smith, both obviously having completely Indian accents (or futile attempts at American ones). I can be happy when pointing out the complete uselessness of the 'power saving device' they are trying to sell to me (obviously accompanied with completely unprofessional websites / emails / 'information leaflet' = Word file with one paragraph of nonsense in attempted English.)

But today, a lady calls me, and says in a totally Indian accent with added emphasis, "how are you GENTLEMAN". WTF?! This is letting our country down!

Lingo kid and latent India

India never stops surprising me. Recently came across 'lingo kid', a child on the streets of Mumbai, who doesn't go to school and sells peacock feathers outside Hanging Gardens in more than 6 international languages. Watch him here:



Incidentally the same kid has now grown up, but is still doing the same thing day in day out (see below), and he still doesn't go to school. Although he is an incredible spectacle, is it really worth admiring his skills or the 'wonder of India' if he, and millions other like him, perpetually do the same business for the same rates for years? It's a fact visible in hundreds of teeming towns across India which never seem to have changed every time I visit them. I fear that the continuing disparaties between the progressing India and those left behind may have disastrous consequences.



'Inclusive growth' is the buzzword of the time. Many mega-schemes of the government aimed at this - most recent one being the Rural Employment Guarantee Scheme - are a failure. It is fundamentally incorrect to forcefully create jobs where there is no work, rather the rural economy should be stimulated to grow organically which would create jobs by itself. Examples of success in that regard are microfinance schemes. Capitalism wins again.

More English

Lets clarify yet more confusion caused by the great English language! This can also happen to non-Indians.

Indian English. UK English. Notes.

• Cellotape. Sellotape (brand). Adhesive tape derived from cellulose.
  
• Duct tape. Duck tape (brand). Apparently duck came first due to its waterproof nature, and then came duct as it was beginning to be used in ducts around the house.
• Vacuum cleaner. Hoover (brand).
• Pen. Biro (brand).
• Brinjal. Aubergine. Or eggplant in North America.
• Lady's finger. Okra.
• Rubber band. Elastic band.
• Scale. Ruler.
• Rubber. Eraser.
• Copy. Notebook.
• Purse. Wallet. Yes, I'm talking about males here.
• Gum. Glue.
• Orange. Satsuma / Clementine.
• Private school. Public School. Meaning a school independent of the government.

Indian English

This is the funniest wikipedia article (starting from around the middle of it) I've ever read. Its funny because its true, and because I've innocently made many of the grammatical, phonological and idiomatic 'errors' mentioned in the article myself. Call it an obsession with perfectionist language; I don't care. Here are my favourites:

• Not differentiating between sounds of 'v' and 'w'. I got made fun of in high school because of this. When that happens, you really don't want it to happen again. So here I was a few days ago, trying tirelessly to explain to my friend the difference in pronunciation between 'vet', 'wet', and 'whet'....urgh! what a huge waste of everyone's time!
  
• Lack of 'dental fricatives', e.g. the sound of 'th' in 'thin'. High school again - back then it was being asked to say 'thirty three and a third'. Fun.
• Words borrowed from French being pronounced using English rules. My French is decent enough to have proper boo-kets (bouquets) but it would be fun to have a ren-dez-wus (rendezvous) sometime.
• Progressive tense in stative verbs: "I am knowing it" or "She is knowing the answer". This one caused a massive misunderstanding and subsequent outrage in our student union; luckily I don't have the ability for such usage.
• Word order: "My all friends are waiting". My Hindi is decent but perhaps not strong enough to influence my English to such an extent!
• Agreeting to form of question rather than content. "You didn't go?" Yes, I didn't. I was going to prove the whole world wrong with this one middle school.
• Another classic: use of 'only' as an intensifier. "It was she only who cooked the rice." Though I cannot remember, I must have done this a few times.
• Yet another classic: "Open your shirt" for "take off your shirt", "off the light" for "turn off the light."
• Pronouncing 'h' as 'ech' instead of 'eych'. My grade 5 colleagues couldn't stand this.
• Use of the Latin word 'cum' to mean 'with'. Nothing wrong with that!
• Skipping verbs: "What I did?" instead of "What did I do?". I have some class, thank you.
• Invented words: While 'postpaid' does not seem sensible, (how can it be paid if one is still to pay for it?), 'prepone' should be given an award for completing the English language. I'll happily enforce it on my non-Indian colleagues. Not only does it make sense, it shows how hard working we Indians can be, doing things ahead of schedule! UPDATE (18 May 2008): A new word I saw in the Indian press today: 'degrowth'. I assume it means 'decline in growth'.