Indian English

This is the funniest wikipedia article (starting from around the middle of it) I've ever read. Its funny because its true, and because I've innocently made many of the grammatical, phonological and idiomatic 'errors' mentioned in the article myself. Call it an obsession with perfectionist language; I don't care. Here are my favourites:

• Not differentiating between sounds of 'v' and 'w'. I got made fun of in high school because of this. When that happens, you really don't want it to happen again. So here I was a few days ago, trying tirelessly to explain to my friend the difference in pronunciation between 'vet', 'wet', and 'whet'....urgh! what a huge waste of everyone's time!
  
• Lack of 'dental fricatives', e.g. the sound of 'th' in 'thin'. High school again - back then it was being asked to say 'thirty three and a third'. Fun.
• Words borrowed from French being pronounced using English rules. My French is decent enough to have proper boo-kets (bouquets) but it would be fun to have a ren-dez-wus (rendezvous) sometime.
• Progressive tense in stative verbs: "I am knowing it" or "She is knowing the answer". This one caused a massive misunderstanding and subsequent outrage in our student union; luckily I don't have the ability for such usage.
• Word order: "My all friends are waiting". My Hindi is decent but perhaps not strong enough to influence my English to such an extent!
• Agreeting to form of question rather than content. "You didn't go?" Yes, I didn't. I was going to prove the whole world wrong with this one middle school.
• Another classic: use of 'only' as an intensifier. "It was she only who cooked the rice." Though I cannot remember, I must have done this a few times.
• Yet another classic: "Open your shirt" for "take off your shirt", "off the light" for "turn off the light."
• Pronouncing 'h' as 'ech' instead of 'eych'. My grade 5 colleagues couldn't stand this.
• Use of the Latin word 'cum' to mean 'with'. Nothing wrong with that!
• Skipping verbs: "What I did?" instead of "What did I do?". I have some class, thank you.
• Invented words: While 'postpaid' does not seem sensible, (how can it be paid if one is still to pay for it?), 'prepone' should be given an award for completing the English language. I'll happily enforce it on my non-Indian colleagues. Not only does it make sense, it shows how hard working we Indians can be, doing things ahead of schedule! UPDATE (18 May 2008): A new word I saw in the Indian press today: 'degrowth'. I assume it means 'decline in growth'.